In the past, the ending of wars have brought joyous outbursts of celebration throughout our country. What, I wonder, is the proper response to the avoidance of a possible war?
This question is relevant because under the leadership of the Nobel Peace Prize winning President Obama, we have managed to avoid a supposedly catastrophic war with the fearsome world power that is the Islamic state of Iran.
Although some might question the ability of the Iranian military, they don’t know what they are talking about. Their soldiers have proven to be an unparalleled military power with their expertise in placing roadside bombs, smuggling weapons and slightly trained jihadists into hot areas within the Middle East. Even more frightening, they have been unabashedly displaying their power to destroy non-functioning replicas of US warships at will. They also have significantly upped their trash-talking capabilities, far outstripping their American counterparts in this regard.
Some might say that the Iranian military hasn’t been relevant since they were soundly defeated by three hundred homoerotic Spartans. Of course, the scantily clad Spartans had numerous military assets that we currently lack, namely courage, determination, and confidence.
But enough talk about the impressive martial accomplishments of the Iranians; their success at backing terrorists and Instagraming themselves blowing up movie props speaking for itself.
What is important is the announcement of Senator Barbara Mikulski throwing her support behind the most peaceful President since Jimmy Carter, giving him the thirty-fourth vote in the Senate. You may be aware that thirty-four votes is nowhere near a majority of the Senate. However, it does mean that once the majority of the Senate passes a bill disapproving of the deal, Obama’s veto will not be overridden by the needed two-thirds majority. Those other sixty-something warmongering Senators can suck it.
Failure of this deal is said to bring horrible consequences like war or a nuclear arms race in the Middle East. Luckily the deal will be confirmed and will only result in a conventional arms races! Immediately following the securing of Mikulski’s vote, Secretary of State John Kerry emailed all of Congress to let them know that the United States will quickly move to bolster Israel’s and Saudi Arabia’s military ability. He promised that the newest American fighter jets will be delivered into Israeli hands as soon as possible. Some may view this as a peculiar move; surely not many peace treaties are followed with a declaration to increase the amount of weapons in the newly peaceful area.
Of course, the fools who are troubled by trivial details like that are just showing their lack of sophistication. They are in fact blinded by their white/western privilege viewpoint which expects peace treaties to actually end current hostilities and resolve disputes. That is an outdated and racist manner of thinking; we should welcome the chance to discard our western-only traditions and embrace our growing diversity as we enter the world of Middle Eastern treaty making.
In this manner of thinking, peace means postponing war until the weaker country is better positioned to do battle. It also evades the normally sticky issue of ending hostilities by just accepting their ongoing aggressive nature as a fact of life. In the rigid Western world, calling for the destruction of your recent treaty partner and their allies would be cause for alarm. In the Middle East, however, this is recognized as standard practice since the sources of trouble between the countries are not actually resolved, but are instead papered over until sometime in the future…preferably when the current leaders are no longer responsible for making decisions and all that is expected of them are self-righteous criticisms against those left holding the bag.
Peace is upon us, or as the people whom we are bribing to delay a war for a few more years would say, As-salamu alaykum.
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